“He was there standing in the rain waiting for me to come back…and I was gone far away drifting farther out of his reach…I pulled him out of his misery…I found love in him…he found his game in me…”, said Samaira to herself as she walked away into a void full of darkness, despair, and loneliness.
“I fear so much that, on one hand…one day, I might leave you all alone…on the other hand I don’t want to go away from you” were her last words which showed her fear of losing me, her fear of losing herself.
10 Years Later…February 14, 2026
I was standing there in the rain, waiting for her to come back…she didn’t turn back, even for once…she was gone, out of my reach, she drifted farther away like a storm after causing so much destruction.
It was a bright sunny Wednesday, when I met her. She was lost in her thoughts, waiting for the university special. She was weird in her own ways…who would have thought I would fall for her. The day I bumped into her, changed everything…little did I know, I would lose my soul to her. She was hurricane.
Her name was Samaira, she had big beautiful eyes, knee length black hair neatly braided. She was gorgeous, a bit plump, strong headed girl, who always hid her beautiful self behind her big glasses.
I fell for her when for the first time I held her hand to pull her into the bus. Her voice was sweet melody to my ears. We began meeting daily. We were in the same college, in the same class pursuing our post graduation in English Literature. She always saw my rough side, I was afraid to show her the real me…on the inside I was a caring, loving and emotional kind of a guy, whereas on the outside I was strong, powerful, ruffian kind of a guy. I was into drugs, alcohol, and was so violent, one could always find me fighting and beating other people up.
Samaira somehow knew the real me, and kept working on me, to bring out the nice person which was hiding inside the fake shell of my second personality.
I never cared for her but; little did I know…I had fallen deeply in love with her. But as soon as I realized that she was changing me, being afraid of the new change, I began hurting her feelings…and broke our friendship before a bud of the flower called love could even bloom.
Days passed, months passed I did not see her in college. I thought, she must have left college because of me. She had been missing college because of her chemo sessions…
The day I found about her chemo sessions, I was devastated. I tried contacting her, but she just wouldn’t take my calls…I would wait for her for hours outside her hospital room, and she would just refuse to meet me.
February 14, 2016 was when she finally allowed me to enter her hospital chamber. I thought that her love for me had vanished, but she did not want me to see her suffering, her condition was worse than I thought. She was bald, with so many different instruments clinging on her body, yet she was the most beautiful girl I had ever met. She was clutching the stuffed teddy bear I gave her to her chest. I could see small tears rolling down from her eyes when she saw me coming. I bent down on my knee and asked her to marry me, she refused. She refused to be with me.
“You are too late…I gave you myself, you consumed me like a leech…I never asked to love me back but to stay there as my friend…For me your happiness mattered the most and that is the reason, why I left you…I was a burden, an unwanted weight on your shoulders, an ugly little duckling tagging along a beautiful swan…Now I’m nothing…I am like a hollow tree…I have nothing left to give you…You already have my soul…I am just a mere puppet with no strings to pull.”
My tears blinded me…I had nothing to say, I just stood up and hugged her tight. I told her I had always loved her…she was the most beautiful girl I ever met; it was me who was ugly blinded by the artificial. She hugged me back really tight, she wore the ring just to see me smile, and I did not know that we did not have much time. She whispered my name in my ear and asked God to bless my tainted soul and prayed for my happiness. She hugged me tight and sighed in relief, and that was the last thing I heard out of her mouth. She died in my very arms …she bore smile on her face because she made me smile. Even while dying she suppressed her anger, grief and pain just to make me feel contented. I told her, I knew she loved me, I loved her too, and they way she found love in me, I found my life in her….The only time I was alive, was the time spent with her…I lived in each moment I spent with her…She owned my soul, I was her puppet and she was my puppeteer…Her love for me was far greater than my love for her as she out grew the anger she had for me and loved me unconditionally, till her last breath.
She pulled me out of the dark and brought me back to light, I just pushed her away in darkness…I wish I could have made her happy once in my life time.
It is never too late to tell/ show your feelings. Respect the decision of the one you love takes (be it a yes or a no, just respect their decision and move on), because you never know what life has for you in its store. Do not let your ego/anger destroy everything you have. Do not drown yourself in depression or negative thoughts/things…but rise in love like a phoenix that rises from its own ashes…and live for the one who loves you.